It's cool, I'm with the band.

Bar Doodling

2011-06-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

Some ugly wise man

2011-06-07T07:40:00.000-07:00

Proof of completion

2011-05-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

*Text by It's cool I'm with the band;
image generated and taken from someecards.com

Passing pictures

2011-05-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

While everyone passed notes in high school, I passed pictures.

The other day, I came across a drawing of mine. It appears to have been left behind and never passed to its intended recipient. I haven't a clue who I have drawn, but I do feel that the picture itself gives away my location in the world. I mean, really, how many people (in one scarce drawing) can I make fun of for being conscious about their weight? Answer: an infinite amount when you live in Los Angeles.
I would like to apologize to the people depicted in this drawing. I promise that I have changed my ways with the pen and no longer make drawings of specific people I know with weight issues, nor do I show disdain towards sacrificing animals for fashion! Instead, I now draw pictures which deal with "real" senseless worldly issues.

Controversies of Integration

2011-05-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Even though school is really almost over, for serious, I'm having trouble believing this to be true.

Four more finals to go. I am almost done. (Repeat phrase over and over when an urge to complain salivates the tongue).

Tomorrow is my final for Religion and Politics in America. Because I have been stuck inside of my apartment studying for...ever...my brain has officially turned to mush and I am forced to find innovative ways to care.

I tried studying missionary: reading to myself. No good - my thoughts kept wandering about things other than religion and politics in America and alas - I didn't retain a thing.

I tried reading aloud, but I bored myself to sleep and woke up two hours later.
Then I tried to think of ways to trick my brain into studying the stuff so I can have a life again.
My brain sighed at my request, but agreed to try and have fun.

First, we made individual flip books for the First, Thirteenth, Fourteenth and Fifteenth Constitutional Amendments (blending them into one would be much too ironic).

Then, I assigned pictographs to important religious Supreme Court cases.

Finally reaching the end of my study guide, I pondered the following question posed: "What are some pros and cons about the ballot initiative process? What have been some of the more significant initiatives in California history?"

What a perfect opportunity for me to take advantage of the "visual learner" that everyone claims to be!

This was my final answer/ question(s):

In conclusion:

If anybody stops you from being the visual learner that you are - draw them a middle finger.

Post Prehistoric America

2011-02-16T20:15:00.000-08:00

*From the New Yorker

All of their friends are dead.

2010-08-03T10:02:00.001-07:00

Speaking of bizarre books, here's one that hits home. A witty way to tell the truth.

"If you're a dinosaur, all of your friends are dead.
If you're a pirate, all of your friends have scurvy.
If you're a tree, all of your friends are end tables." -Amazon

Introducing a sneak peak inside of

All My Friends Are Dead by Avery Monsen & Jory John

How many surprises?

2010-07-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

Mommy, where do Children's Books from from?

In my most recent summer school session, I took an English course on the topic. I learned psychological methods behind the making of "Children's Books," and also was informed of the official list of books that have been deemed too controversial. This list, of course, was mostly composed by the parents of America, infamous for hypocrisy (Sarah Palin-type absurdity).

First, let's point out that the genre was and still is written by adults. These writers decide what to incorporate into their books based on the current day ideological standards that are deemed appropriate and entertaining for children of all ages. I suppose it is appropriate to control the minds of our future in this way. Weren't we all at one time a child gaining knowledge and experience through these books?

I suppose we can pass down censorship to our future generations in the same way it was imposed upon us as children. As children, it's nearly impossible to deny ourselves of adult dictatorship. It's the price we pay for having our asses wiped for so long. It may be appropriate then, to continue letting adults decide the shit comes out of our brain too.A few months ago, I stumbled upon an old reading book at a garage sale that sent me on a nostalgia cloud back to the first grade. I was pretty sure that this book was the very book I had learn to read from. After flipping through the book, I'm not so sure. Many Surprises, part of a Developmental Series from 1949 is indeed frightfully filled with MANY surprises.

Go End Love, OK?

2010-06-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

This is what Astro Bright American Apparel looks like in nature.

What's your policy?

2010-05-27T23:57:00.001-07:00

Am I perpetuating this advertisement? That isn't my intention. Rather, I wanted to discuss a serious matter. Can you please forget about today's natural disasters, economy, and your (lack of a) job - for a just one moment?

Today's blog entry is about the importance of owning life insurance. Now, don't get depressed and start agonizing all of the ups and downs in life, and please do not scrutinize over another thing you can't afford.

Death is permanent. Life insurance is eternal. When Accuquotes asks, "If you died today, who would take care of your family?" the real question is, "If you died today, who is going to buy this really rad tombstone that says, 'FATHER' on it?"

Food for thought.

An act of God.

2010-05-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

I want to say that "bad things happen to good people," but I would only do that to be clic

hé. First, I don't particularly believe in that statement, and also, I don't know who the owner of the vehicle is and whether or not (s)he can be categorized as "good.".

Let's just say, "BAD SHIT HAPPENS."

I slept through the wind last night and failed to hear this tree crash down outside of my window. There is good news and bad news. The bad news is that most insurance companies claim this to be an "Act of God" - providing no coverage. The good news is (other than no one being in the car at the time), GOD HAS SPOKEN!!!

Now that my semester has (finally) ended, it is good to make use of my knowledge. I learned a lot about the Will of God this semester. And boy, he must be mad.

Right Hand :Blue Skinny Jeans

2010-04-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

And just when I was worried I would be too old for childhood games...who need twister when you have hipster? Photo taken from Unique LA show/festival/party at the California Mart.

If that's talent, all I need is to be rich.

2010-01-23T12:34:00.000-08:00

It's a good thing I moved to L.A. when I did! According to the New York Times, "Silver Lake [is] the Los Angeles counterpart to Brooklyn’s Williamsburg."

Well, now that that's official, I must pioneer the movement of the Los Angeleno hipster, but how?

After long google searches, "how to be a hipster in L.A." I came across this Craigslist ad:Reality Show Casting Silverlake Trendsetters (Silverlake area)
A new Reality Show is casting Silver Lake's rich, wealthy, hipster GUYS and GIRLS 21-30 whose personal style is homeless chic: Guys with beards, ratty hair and raggedy yet stylish clothing – and Girls dressed in fashionable, vintage hippie-type garb accessorized with large sunglasses and oversized tote bags. You must be incredibly involved in the Silver Lake social scene, enjoy a sensational nightlife Silver Lake style and be very outspoken with a vivacious personality. You must also hang with a racially diverse, intriguing group of friends who all live in Silver Lake. If this sounds like you please call 772.245.0665 or email realtvproduction@gmail.com for an interview.

Folks, for all of you that do not know how to be cool, this craigslist ad
S-P-E-L-L-S I-T O-U-T F-O-R Y-O-U:
1. Label yourself a hipster. Labels are the only way to know who you really are.
2. Guys - never shower. Gals - read up on your favorite "green" blogs - if you want to be hippie, you have to love the world...and fashion.
3. Diversity in IN - get rid of that racist persona, find some friends different from you, quick.

I could go on, but I'm bored. Unfortunately, I don't fit the criteria of all this. I am not wealthy enough to go under the knife and come out with all of these qualities.

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR THE "HIPSTER GRIFTER"! Last seen in Williamsburg, she's destined to be in Silver Lake. The quintessential hipster - I'd rather see a reality show about her anyway.

Playing House is still fun.

2010-01-21T21:44:00.000-08:00

Let's Play House.

I can be the P.E.T.A, "I wear frog skin instead" Mommy, and you can be the Byzantine, blond, angsty teenage daughter who gets a red tattoo on her face as the new chastity belt.

According to Refinery29, "Veik, a 29-year-old doll "player" from Beijing, has been giving ol' Barb some pizazz, styling them after some of Lady Gaga's most memorable outfits." See her FLICKR Gaga Stream here.

Oh Lady Gaga, where were you when I was young?

When I look in the mirror, I see a potato.

2010-01-16T21:40:00.000-08:00

She's a fifth grade teacher and a mother of five in Sacramento, California.
She qualified for Wheel of Fortune.
She guessed "Self Potato" when the answer was "Self Portrait." When she looks in the mirror, what does she really see?

Let's applaud another "normal" person gaining their "15 minutes" in embarrassing ways.

WATCH:

This woman clearly coined the new expression in our living language.
The Huffington Post came up with a Quick Poll: What do you think a "self potato" is?
1. man-on-crop loving
2.a recipe for potatoes from "Self" magazine
3. to pull open one's shirt and apply butter, sour cream and chives
4. a verb meaning to turn yourself into a fat slob

Are you calling me fat?

2010-01-11T21:59:00.000-08:00

When I lived in Williamsburg, there was a billiard across the street from me. Through the blackened window were pool tables and daily/ nightly nonsense. One day, the billiard mysteriously became a barber shop - Joe's Barber Shop. Instead of squinting into a darkened glass with cigarette smoke and flying 8 balls behind it, I found myself walking home to find bright lights shining out of a new, fully exposed front window and chairs filled with (mostly) men getting their hair cut. The cutting went on as late as midnight. The catch - every so often I caught a glimpse into the back of the shop - a subtle entrance to a room of people playing pool. Shady much?
With the help of the most directionally savvy person I know, I was introduced to the most wonderful gelato in all the L.A. land (within the vicinity). A little place hidden next to a Rite Aid in Altadena called Bulgarini Gelato is rated highly on Yelp - according to a review from November, 2009, "The Lemon Cream gelato was crazy delicious." How could you go wrong? When I arrived, however, it was deserted. When I pressed my nose against the window, it was official. The store was closed... today. The catch - the shop is never open. Ever! Well, barely anyway.
Is Bulgarini Gelato protesting against the recession by surviving only a 16 hour week? Or, are they pretending to be closed? The speakeasy-esque gelato store is "closed" Monday through Friday. Shady much?
Just my luck, I happened to have fallen into the 71% of closing time. Perhaps there was a back door that I missed - this can't be right - is "Lemon Cream Gelato" code for something?

The Thumb Book has done it again!

2010-01-08T23:01:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, from the once-was youth of music

2009-12-25T12:32:00.000-08:00

Look who's sexist now.

2009-12-12T11:30:00.001-08:00

Get it? Candy-Ken.

Presenting: The Muppets on Queen.

2009-12-05T21:56:00.000-08:00

With the recommendation of my Pop Culture class.

That's why God invented spell check and grammar

2009-12-05T06:57:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm back in academia, I find it quite difficult to understand those that choose to continue their education, yet refuse to make use of it.

I use the "trusty" website Rate My Professors before I sign up for classes. Not my idea of a credible truth-engine, but I'm looking for the inhumane, self loathing professors to avoid (they exist, don't waste your money).

As an English major, I am frightened to read the kinds of things that students contribute to this site. The positive comments are useful, but the spite toward a professor because he/she is "hard" is kind of ridiculous. Perhaps these students are spending their money on an "education" rather than a shrink to vent to.

It is frightening that students cannot construct a sentence. I leave you with screen shots. Focusing on the second review, I am curious how this person found the energy to put forth the effort to write these god-awful few sentences and not into his costly classes. I may be wrong - this person could be an out of state student, from the South perhaps, and "comprehansion" and "bad at taken class" is just the way he talks with an accent. I never knew that a teacher could be so bad for being analytical. Hmm...I'll be sure to base my decision on this review.

The worst part is the thousands of California residents that are unable to attend a State University because there are people like this clogging up admission.If you are unable to see, it reads as follows:
"Overall, he's a good professor if and only if your great at grammar, learning comprehansion, attendance, and test taking. He's very unhelpful, and analytical. Moreover, he only gives 2 test and ocouple of quizes that are somewhat hard. If your a freshman or bad at taken class don't take it. He will fail you."

I better buy another one, you know, just in case.

2009-12-03T14:21:00.001-08:00

This is a serious collection of Hawaiian shirts.

Kick the Habit.

2009-11-21T23:42:00.000-08:00

Is the problem the media, or is it the social media?

If you know me, you know that I am an advocate of social media... to an extreme which some may find irritating.

Twitter works best for my business, Blogger works best for my banter, and Facebook combines my personal life with all of the above. On a different screen, I watch South Park and Family Guy. I’ve listened to music like Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails and the like that have been blamed for tragic incidents of slaughter and violence in the United States.

However, I haven't kicked or killed anyone! I am in my twenties, in college, am an aspiring entrepreneur, I volunteer and am active in my community. So what am I doing wrong?

In my original post about Facebook back in March, 2009, I put up my middle finger to Mark Zuckerburg for changing the format of Facebook as a way to become more user-unfriendly. This was on behalf of the Baby Boomers that had entered the world of Facebook. They were as confused as William Blake's infant coming out of the womb. However, I admit that the Baby Boomers, or at least the ones I am "friends" with, have managed to contribute to the productivity of the social media world. Let's face it, we are a product of the people we popped out of. Our elders do have insightful things to teach us. It has been a nice, interesting change to read posts about older musicians rather than Lady Gaga and her bloody way to fame.

In my last post, with all of the changes Facebook has implemented in the past five years, I quietly mentioned that the system incorporated High School kids into the mix. At the time, I cringed at the thought. Why can't Facebook remain exclusive to college kids? It made so much sense. I could avoid the awkward moment of meeting my roommate for the first time and deciding which side of the room to covet – I could contact that guy from my math class for homework. The torture of the social world in high school was brutal enough. Thank you, Mark Zuckerburg, for relieving me, slightly, of my social anxiety. With so many group projects assigned in college classes, Facebook became another branch to integrate college kids from all around the world to the same, what we now call "network."

High school. Wake up. Get into your car (that is registered in Daddy's name). Drive to school. Secretly sneak off of campus to smoke a cigarette. Go to class. Pass notes. Talk shit about that girl during lunch. Leave trash on the table for somebody else to pick up. Drive home. Complain about dinner that mom made for you. Whine when Dad says you can't go out. Minimally attempt to do your homework and talk on the phone for an hour and a half with your BFF about nothing. My apologies if I missed the occasional soccer practice.

With such productivity, it is clear as day how children contribute to Facebook. Pardon my cynicism; I will get to the point. What do you think of when you hear "Kick a Ginger?" In 2005, South Park came out with "Ginger Kids," episode #911 (ooh, symbolism!) from season 9. Yea, go YouTube it - or see a personal commentary by a red-head dude and the South Park Clip here.

America, home of the free, now enables children to create official days of celebration - or dismay. According to Facebook groups and events, this past Friday, November 20^th was the official "Kick a Ginger Day." On Friday, children with red hair, pale skin and freckles were beat up. Why? Well, because of South Park of course! This has nothing to do with freewill. It’s TV I tell you!

I watched the clip. It's funny. The red-head jokes are funny. Shall I analyze the two minute clip of absurdity? But first, let’s ignore "Token," the black kid that opens the scene with his solar system project. Also, pay no mind to Mr. Garrison, who is now Mrs. Garrison and focus on Cartman, who presents his project on "Gingers." Also, please ignore Kyle, the Jew, who speaks up for kids with red hair. This episode is funny in the way South Park is intended to be funny. It is a satirical social commentary on what our society has sadly evolved into. It states the obvious and the truth, and most importantly, its intention of providing a moral stance on each story is executed successfully. I also recall that the show is rated for a "mature audience."

Is your kid mature? Creativity is not taking television and interpreting it into an official day of violence. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE PARENTS?!

The article linked above has to do with somebody I know. His child is the mentioned victim of “Kick a Ginger Day.” How did I find this out? He is one of the Baby Boomers that I am “friends" with on Facebook. Ironic, isn't it, that the kind of information he must relay on Facebook is that of the repulsive behavior his child was subjected to by other children? Most importantly, his news is spread through the very same device that caused this horrific event.

I'm sorry, Mark Zuckerburg, I didn't realize that Facebook was intended to be a form of family therapy that brings parents and their children closer together. Closer together as in discussing acts of violence caused by the misuse of the same program. Why are children on Facebook? What value are they creating?

Dear Parents of young misfits & Mark Zuckerburg,

Get children off of Facebook. Get them off of the Internet.

Give them a goddamn book.

I recommend the following authors: Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Daisaku Ikeda

You look like I need a drink.

2009-11-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

I have been doing tons of marketing research in L.A. learning to adapt to the sun, plastic people, poor drivers and trying to find the ways of becoming successful. How do I become famous like L.Lo and such?

L.A. is a drastic scene switch from my hipster land of Brooklyn that I miss oh-so-much. Silverlake and Echo Park hipsters are frightening. First, their hair is way better than mine, they need a vast improvement on their "vintage" wardrobe (May I shamelessly plug My Grandma's Closet) and their black swollen eyes from "nose candy" cannot be justified when bars close at 2AM.

But I have to fit in, right? So I ask myself, what do all of these Los Angelenos have that I don't?
Then it dawned on me! D.U.I!

(ellipses)

How can I make this happen? It's Friday, 5PM, the work week is done. I have to endure the 405 freeway traffic all the way home and how will I ever have time to get boozed and dressed with enough time to enjoy my 2AM curfew night?

Never underestimate the innovative.
Drive Thru Fast Food. Drive Thru Starbucks. Drive Thru ATM. Drive Thru Pharmacies.

And now, the validity to drinking and driving.

What flavor are you?

2009-10-22T08:21:00.001-07:00

For all you suckers that are stuck with no costume, try me on for size.
My friends call me Franzia.
What flavor are you?But wait, there's more

Thanks, Mik, my contributions director.

What's up in heaven?

2009-10-14T10:45:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure everyone forgot that Michael Jackson died now that the TV has slowed its roll and it is no longer cool to mourn the King of Pop.

So I thought I would just remind you all of the legend we lost. Eddie Murphy, I feel for you.

Thanks Katy and Mik*

Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?

2009-10-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks Mik.

"Life is a playground and I want someone to play with"

2009-09-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

Does online dating intrigue you, but you find yourself a bit embarrassed to take the plunge and write a profile about your ideal mate? Well, fear no more! The truth is, we don't appreciate the things we have until they are put in perspective. Let us all feel fortunate to have the internet. See how people used to pick others up before the world wide web. Just remember, it's always better to be embarrassed for others than for yourself. Give a little bit.

Thanks, Mik.

The art of religion.

2009-09-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

"All men shall be my slaves! All women shall succumb to my charms! All mankind shall grovel at my feet and not know why!"

-L. Ron Hubbard, American sci-fi novelist and founder of Scientology

Thanks to the Quotable Douchebag

Walking potion | 10 Parts sugar, 90 Parts whiskey

2009-08-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

I am sorry, I have been keeping this from you.
The genius of Brad Neeley.
If you don't know, now you know.

Contributed by Hardcastle MC.

Traffic on the 101.

2009-08-29T00:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Michael Jackson!

Google pays homage to the King of Pop who would be 51 years old today.

Michael Jackson's cause of death has finally been settled and now it is time for him to rest. Jackson passed away on June 25th and underwent two months of inconclusive autopsies. His remains were frozen until cause of death was settled. Now that the final autopsy is conclusive, Jackson will spend his 51st birthday thawing out at Forest Lawn where he will be buried (It should cool down tomorrow, weatherchannel.com predicts 92 degrees!).

I will be sure to avoid the 101 Hollywood Freeway at all costs tomorrow. That is all for the traffic and weather report.

Just Say No | Jean on Jean Fall Preview

2009-08-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to say that this week's Just Say No goes to one of my favorites. Jennifer Aniston represents the Fall Fashion 2009 issue for Elle Magazine. Unfortunately, she is sporting two denims in the same outfit. Two Colors. Two designers. Two too many.

Just can't get enough.

2009-08-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Pit stop in NYC on my way to a birthday bash in Philly.
East Village.
Nostalgic for the New York melting pot.

Post Secret | On a Post-it

2009-08-12T12:47:00.001-07:00

New York City is the place to casually date. Who has a time for a commitment? TimeOut New York has the Do's and Dont's of dating in their Sex & Dating section. It's fabulous. Not only does it provide new and exciting places to check out, it also spills the beans on the pathetic dating scene of New York - the place where animality is accepted and douchebags get dates - frequently.

This week's feature, "Sticky Situations" goes straight into the mind of a typical, single New Yorker. Find out what they are really thinking on a Post-it note. The results are astounding, and quite deep.

Objects in the mirror don't go away.

2009-08-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

Missed Connections | What you wish he looked like.

2009-08-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Sophie Blackall.

Looking through hundreds of craigslist missed connections over months of downtime can get a bit tedious. Now, we can visualize without taking the chance on a weirdo! Sophie Blackall illustrates these ever-so-humerus missed connections. Her blog is way cool. Thank you for feeding our egos, Sophie!

I wish my life was like this, zebra and all.

2009-08-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

This is the coolest video I've seen in a long time.

As I warm up to my new yet old home, I will pay homage to an LA band. Check out Fitz & The Tantrums, a sort of Motown-Retro group.

Too young for what?

2009-08-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

Little girls love to have what mommy has.
Purses.
Make-Up.
Baby Strollers.

Cell Phones.

As innovative technology continues to grow, little girls need to keep up! A Spanish toymaker has gone where Mattel has never gone before!

According to FOX News,
"A Spanish toymaker known as Berjuan has developed a breast-feeding doll that comes with a special halter top its young "mothers" wear as they pretend to breast-feed their "babies." The halter top has daisies that cover the little girls’ nipples and come undone just as easily as the flaps of a nursing bra would."

Bebe Gloton makes sucking noises when she feeds, and the toy cries when she is "hungry."
In my day, I was technology mommy to my Tamagotchi. I brought her to school, she came with a key chain and if she cried, I left her home and would find the little critter submerged in her own poo.

What will be next?

Brooklyn back in the day.

2009-08-05T17:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Mr. President.

2009-08-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday President Obama!

Your presidency was surely meant to be. The following historical occurrences took place today many, many years ago.

It was August 5th that would determine our present, president and future.

1861 - US levies its 1st Income Tax (3% of incomes over $800)

1957 - "American Bandstand," begins network TV

1962 - Nelson Mandela arrested for incitement & illeagally leaving S Africa

1962 - Actress Marilyn Monroe, was found dead in her home

1964 - US begins bombing North Vietnam

1966 - Beatle John Lennon says Beatles are more popular than Jesus

1966 - Beatles' "Revolver" album is released

1966 - Martin Luther King Jr stoned during Chicago march

1972 - Moody Blues release "Nights in White Satin"

1974 - President Nixon admits he withheld information about Watergate break-in

1975 - Stevie Wonder signs $13M contract with Motown

1981 - US performs nuclear test at Nevada Test Site

1985 - Establishment of a Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is announced

1992 - 4 cops in Rodney King beating case indicted on civil rights charge

History repeats itself. Taxes, Celebrities, Music, Corruption and Death.
So whatever happens, be nice on Obama. He's just trying to keep up with the times.

Birth control pills are just as dangerous as heroin.

2009-08-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the Colbert Report. Brilliant.
Nailed 'Em - War on Birth Control

"Fame is like cigarettes with no surgeon general warning."

2009-08-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

Did you know Kanye West has a blog?

I never knew ALL CAPS could be so profound.

"I was just listening to Wendy Williams and heard some quote about me saying I’m the new King of Pop. Not only did I not say that, I haven’t said anything. It makes me feel bad that obviously I made people feel that I would be corny enough to say something so whack after the passing of an idol, a legend and more than that a human being with feelings and family. It scares me to think what people will believe, without even a source. Any random person can type something on the Internet and then the world believes it. I don’t talk to press or do TV or do promotions of any sort. I’ve stopped chasing and buying into fame. Fame is like cigarettes with no surgeon general warning. It destroys most people as it did to the true and only King of Pop. We exploit ourselves and eat our own egos ’till there is nothing left. I have a feeling that this won’t be the last false statement with my name on it, but this will be the last time I defend myself. I’m done.”
- Kanye West, defending himself for the last time.

Just what I needed.

2009-08-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

Home away from New York.
This "New York" Pizza joint found its way to the center of the San Fernando Valley.
Red Balls and Rock and Roll Pizza in Woodland Hills!
Saw my pops play with his (cover) band Stunt Road Saturday night. With a compilation of covers from the Eagles, the Beatles, Elvis Presley, the Doobie Brothers and more, they packed the place with pizza eating hippies and we danced the night away.

Where's Waldo. How many New Yawk things can you find the in the photos?
It's no La Nonna, but it'll do.

All-time lows.

2009-08-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

Happy new month! Today's absurdity comes from (un)educated web surfers in response to Oralando Sentinel's article, "Bloggers say Sarah Palin to divorce; her camp says it's bull." [YAWN]

Important issues? Can somebody please acknowledge California's Govenator pulling a George W. by deliberately destroying our already drought-ridden, homophobic state of California by cutting "half a billion dollars more from services to the poor, sick and elderly." These cuts include AIDS education and child welfare services among many many more.

To get your mind off of things, may I suggest you relax and rent a movie:
Junior
Terminator II

Oh, just so you know, you'll have to pay a 9.75% California sales tax when renting.

Even Dr. Seuss knew the economy would collapse.

2009-07-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

With Sarah Palin clogging up our TV screens and blaming Hollywood and the media for such a faulty country, I would like to continuously thank both Hollywood and the media for its continuous attempts to help America wake up and smell the recession.

Rumors can spread, but with the help of Universal Pictures and Dr. Seuss, Hollywood will create a renovated lesson plan that history does in fact repeat itself. Planned to premier in 2012, the 1971 character Lorax is being recreated in 3D.

According to Variety, “The Lorax” has a timely “green” theme. It is narrated by a greedy entrepreneur who, despite warnings from the tree-loving Lorax, strips a forest of its stock of Truffula trees to manufacture clothing. The results are catastrophic as all the animals leave and nothing’s left."

What could be a better fit than this during our current green age of fraud, failure and f*ck-ups?

If the 3D affects don't knock it in full gear for you, please note: if Sarah Palin runs for President in 2012, the results would be catastrophic and nothing would be left.

Lounge Act

2009-07-28T17:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Kurt,
I am sorry we never had a chance to meet.
Nevermind.

Who has the better ratings?

2009-07-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

If you watched the Daily Show tonight, you would have nodded "so true" to Jon Stewart comparing Sarah Palin to Doogie Howser. I thought I'd go digging up for more.

This round is the Barracuda vs. Doogie.
(click image to enlarge)

Thank you, Wiki.

Other Republican Posts:
The Art of Quitting, a memoir by Sarah Palin
Politically Tone Deaf
When all else fails
McCain can't pole dance
The truth comes out
History books are the new Calvin and Hobbs

The Art of Quitting, a memoir by Sarah Palin.

2009-07-27T23:08:00.000-07:00

"And then in the summertime such extreme summertime about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins."
-Sarah Palin, farewell to governing Alaska

Palin is no stranger to the act of quitting. Yesterday was the official end of her reign as Governor for the state of Alaska. To quote Jon Stewart, "[Palin] loved [Alaska] so much, she had to let it free."

This isn't the first time the 45-year-old "Barracuda" has walked out on her obligations. Before she brainwashes the red part of our country in 2012, let's reflect on her accomplishments.

1. Palin was elected to the city council of Wasilla in 1992 and 1995. Wasilla city councilors serve three-year terms. Palin did not complete her second term on the city council because she was elected mayor in 1996.

2. As the mayor of Wasilla, in 1996, Palin introduced abortion, gun rights, and term limits as campaign issues. Term limits in the Wasilla Municipal Code proscribe candidates from running for more than two consecutive terms (a nice way out).

3. Palin chaired the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission in 2003, serving as Ethics Supervisor. Alas, she resigned in January 2004, protesting what she called the "lack of ethics" of fellow Republican members.

4. On July 3, 2009, Palin announced at a press conference that she would not run for reelection in the 2010 Alaska gubernatorial election and would resign before the end of July. Palin argued that both she and the state have been expending an "insane" amount of time and money to address "frivolous" ethics complaints filed against her.

It's great to know that in each leadership position the smiling hockey mom holds, she's quick to hit the puck in her own goal and skate away.

Lots of sourcing from Wiki

Other Republican Posts:
Politically Tone Deaf
When all else fails
McCain can't pole dance
The truth comes out
History books are the new Calvin and Hobbs

Lanky is the new dance move.

2009-07-19T11:20:00.001-07:00

A Good Day To Die.

2009-07-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

I have a friend (newbie to L.A.) in town wanting to see the stars. So we hopped the 101-S to Hollywood and walked in the 105 degree heat to take a peak.

Passing the Graumans's Chinese Theater, we happened upon a crowd of people and could barely get through to the other side. What could they all be looking at?
But of course, it was the King of Pop and his star!! Filled with flowers, photos and letters, we found it to be a lovely, overbearing memorial.
We then thought it would be best to continue our walk and see how other fans celebrated recent celebrity passings.
We found Farrah. Alone. Clearly her star was so crowded that the fans were evacuated from the premises. Or... is there another explanation?

PBR is just economical.

2009-07-14T23:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a shout-out to my Brooklyn buds. I thought it was appropriate after getting two drunk dials this Tuesday evening.

PS, This guy totally ripped off your sweatshirt.

Picture courtesty of Guidespot.

Silence is Golden.

2009-07-12T08:52:00.001-07:00

Do you have tickets to the gun show?

2009-07-11T22:17:00.001-07:00

According to the Associated Press,
"Lawmakers are considering a bill [in Arizona] that would allow anyone with a concealed-weapons permit to bring a handgun into bars and restaurants serving alcohol."

Not to worry, there is always an exception. The gun-owners aren't allowed to drink! Whew! It's so nice to know that there is no danger. It's a good thing that rules can't be broken.

This round is the NRA vs. Bar Owners. Which side are you on?

"These laws are common sense, restaurants are not immune to criminal activity. Law-abiding people — regardless of whether they're in restaurants, cars or homes — they should be able to protect themselves against criminal attack." -NRA spokeswoman Rachel Parsons

"This might be one of the stupidest things that I have heard of. Can you think of a single reason guns and alcohol should be intertwined?" -Owner of Pomeroy's bar in Phoenix

Dear Merriam-Webster,
In researching the state of Arizona's crime rate, I found that while the population has steadily grown in the past 40+ years, so has the violence and murder.

That being said, please come up with a new word or phrase more fitting for this story. "That's the stupidest f*cking thing I have ever heard" just won't cut it.

----------------------
More absurdity:
Guns and Roses with no Axe

Red Balls.

2009-07-11T20:15:00.000-07:00

Cocaine in a can.

Just say no. Jean on Jean of the week.

2009-07-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

Triple Jean.

Another two Michaels with issues.

2009-07-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

"Douche-bags are hygienic products; I take that as a compliment. Thank you."
- Wet Hot American Summer.

This summer looks dry as 'Coop' (Michael Showalter) and 'McKinley' (Michael Ian Black) continue the humor and will come out with their T.V. series called "Michael and Michael Have Issues" next week.

Watch W.H.A.S first, then take a look at the series preview for yourself.

Michael & Michael Have Issues

Premieres Wed, July 15, 10:30pm / 9:30c

Preview - Greg the Intern

http://www.comedycentral.com/

Joke of the Day

Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games

Nostalgic for New York

2009-07-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

In my disposable camera days, I was threatened by a passerby to not take photos in the subway. Alas, there was no consequence. Do you know which subway stop this is?

Here's to unemployment.

Just Toast and Hashbrowns no eggs, please.

2009-07-06T23:43:00.000-07:00

This resume was submitted to a high end restaurant in Portland, Oregon. Little Miss Sissy was wearing a Hello Kitty backpack and was very serious about finding work in the area. She also wanted to be sure you know that her middle name is Peaches. Do read on.

Politically tone deaf

2009-07-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

"If this is geared for her run for the presidency in 2012, it is one of the most politically tone deaf decisions that we've seen"
- Stuart Roy, a Republican consultant on Sarah Palin's decision to step down as Alaska's Governor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Republican Posts:
When all else fails
McCain can't pole dance
The truth comes out
History books are the new Calvin and Hobbs

God Recess America!

2009-07-04T13:25:00.001-07:00

Happy 4th of July!

Pit Stop to Portland

2009-07-03T11:14:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Pacific Northwest. Portland, Oregon.

What better time to explore with 93 degree weather, hills and green.

New York, the 30 days of rain just didn't cut it for me.

Brooklyn Park Pub, Brooklyn.
$3.50 Whisky Ginger.

Broder, Clinton Street
Swedish food, amazing.

Bowling on Powell.
Bar. Double doors lead to pitchers of beer.Fire on the mountain, East Burnside.
Sweet BBQ, Jamaican Jerk, Hot, Raspberry Sauce.A concept. Public Bus.Dive Bar Clinton Street.
So true.

Who's Bad?

2009-07-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

Finally, some propaganda with style.
Michael Jackson Style.

Cut & Sewn has an exclusive series of MJ tribute shirts. Only for a limited time, catch 'em while you can!

The Next Queen of Pop: Come On, Come On.

2009-06-27T21:02:00.000-07:00

It's draining. It's exhausting. Mourning is hard to do.

After a 48 hour binge fest of boozing and dancing to the Michael Jackson loop in every bar and near every radio, nobody wants to see wanna-be-vampire-hipsters dancing in the clubs ever again.

The world and its wounds are finally "healed." Who will be the next international King of Pop?

What's next in the American world of nonsense?

Michael Jackson followed legend Elvis Presley's exit by leaving major debt behind. So major that it is believed to be between $100-$400 million.

Let's do it Obama style. It's time to look toward a brighter future and a more successful successor.

May I introduce to you a recession special that will take our bank accounts out of the gutter!

Introducing the alternative to MJ's Neverland Ranch! I present the Hello Kitty Resort!

Located in Taiwan, Ms. Kitty's palace is just a small reflection of her world wide worth. According to Taiwan Today, in Taiwan’s $50 billion doll craze, the reigning king of dolls is widely considered to be Hello Kitty.

Ms. Kitty also comes with her debut album on Lakeshore Records. Released in October of last year, the album comes with eleven pop tunes including the first single, "Come On, Come On."

Check out Hello Kitty's album on myspace.

Can a cartoon cat succeed MJ? I don't see why not.

Photos from Cute Overload.

Read More.
The next best thriller.
Boy is it stuffy in here!
Like Hero, Like Fan.

Like Hero, Like Fan: KingPopMJ

2009-06-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

I'd like to send a big R.I.P to the King of Pop.

No time wasted, his fans are already keeping up the tradition of raising money. Like hero like fan.

What's on e-bay selling the day after, but an antique AOL screen name circa 1996:

Historic Michael Jackson AOL Screen Name: KingPopMJ

For a recession special of $5,000.00 this screen name can belong to you!

I'm guessing the money will not be going into saving the Neverland Ranch.

-----------------------------------------------------

MJ and it's cool, i'm with the band.

The next best thriller.

Boy is it stuffy in here!

Looks like a dysfunctional future.

New York's Finest.

2009-06-22T08:03:00.001-07:00

---------------------------------------------
Check out my other posts:
It pays better than a hooker.
The Sanitation Department's Mess

What's Freedom without drunk Liberty?

2009-06-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

This week the Manhattan Community Board will vote on Lady Liberty's sobriety.

City officials for Liberty Island have recently applied for a liquor license. Hoping to be accepted in time for the Statue of Liberty's reopening, the booze is meant to be approved for Lady Liberty and Ellis Island.

According to CB-1

Battery Park City Committee
Please note meeting date has been change
DATE: Tuesday, June 17, 2009
TIME: 6:00 PM
PLACE: Battery Park City
Authority1 World Financial
Center, 24th Floor Agenda
1) 225
Liberty LLC at 38 West Street,
new wine and beer license application –
Resolution

The to-be-discussed agenda is supposed to take place this Tuesday, June 17th. According to my calendar, Tuesday's date is the 16th. It appears that the City Officials have already began boozing on the topic, and we hope to see a successful outcome.

God Bless America.

The Sanitation Department's mess.

2009-06-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

It's comforting to know our tax dollars are cleaning up the Bronx.

. Contributed by Luz, a Bronxite (her car is not pictured).

2009-06-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

"It's better to burn out than to fade away." - Neil Young, then Kurt Cobain

Art for Jealousy's Sake.

2009-06-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

They are entitled to a seat on the subway over the elderly. Their strollers scuff the back of your ankle unapologetically. There are too many of them in New York City. They are pregnant women.

If they couldn't make more of a scene, pregnant women are now painting their bellies...to "celebrate" their pregnancy according to pregnantbellypainting.com.

Before having a baby, women purge and shop for themselves. They do this because they realize from hereon they will be sharing everything with the newborn.

Mom-to-be sacrifices dying her hair, smoking cigarettes, drinking - basically the essence of life. While the soon to be screamer is kicking, everybody else is asking how the baby is doing.

Celebrating? It seems to me that this is utter jealousy. Jealousy of the attention that the little critter inside is getting. Painting your belly is covering up your pregnancy - in an unnecessarily expensive and very temporary way.

And yet, later in life mommy will take the kiddo to get their face painted. What more could she possibly cover up?

New York mag lowers its brow and deems it despicable. I'm sticking with my mag.

It's cool, the band is going west.

2009-05-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

The official news is in. For those of you that didn't know, I'm moving to L.A. Let us embrace the west coast culture at its finest.What I will not miss about New York:

1. Nail clipping in public, and the disturbing sound it makes. Snip. Snip. Snip. Sorry, did I get that in your food?

Yep, I still feel the same way.

Life is plenty colorful.

2009-05-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

"Shut up, I'm trying to be depressed!"

2009-05-13T09:49:00.001-07:00

This couldn't be more of an accurate depiction of current day

New York City.

Photo from NY Mag's article, Recession Culture

Looks like a dysfunctional future.

2009-05-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

We all have to appreciate Mom. Without her, there'd be no us.
But do we have to emulate her?

Let's ask The New York Times.

"A recent New York Times/CBS News poll found close to a majority of women saying they emulate their own mothers in their approach to parenting.
Fifty-two percent of women who have children said their parenting style was similar to their mothers’, and 47 percent said they took a different approach to motherhood."

If the younger generation is the key to the future, what kind of monsters will lead the way next?

Let's take some celebrity mother-daughter duos. Do we need a third generation of these women?

Joan and Melissa Rivers "After the Anger. Melissa blamed her mother for her father's suicide. But when Melissa was roughed up by her boyfriend, a protective Joan came to the rescue. Now, says Mom, 'We're truly good friends.'"

Priscilla and Lisa Marie PresleyElvis. Michael Jackson. Scientology.

Dina and Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay has a drinking problem. Like a mother dropping her kid off at soccer practice, Dina Lohan dropped Lindsay off a bar.

Sharon and Kelly Osbourne

"She's absolutely fine. She's just having fun. We have all tried drugs and drink - she's experimenting.” -Sharon Osbourne

Looks like a dysfunctional future.

It has potential to be something more

2009-05-03T11:06:00.000-07:00

Thobias Fäldt, a Swedish photographer lives and works in Gothenburg, Sweden. He uses flash photography in the most bizarre, yet intriguing way. It's up to the viewer to interpret what each photograph means to them because he chooses to keep it a mystery.
His brand new book, Year One, is expected to be released in spring of this year.

"None of the pictures from my series, ‘year
one,’ are planned or staged—they’re always snapshots—but i try to frame the
picture so you don't know where it's taken and you don't get any geographic
information; no answers are given."

Quote borrowed from I heart photography's interview with the artist.

His brand new book, Year One, is expected to be released in spring of this year. See other photographs by clicking here.

Boy is it stuffy in here!

2009-04-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

Whether it comes from a bird, a cow, or a pig, in the face of a crisis (or swine flu), we must turn to fashion for the cure.

Walking around Union Square in the past couple of days, I noticed more people wearing medical masks than ever before. I wondered how much bacteria, smog, and swine flu they are really avoiding. I see couples holding hands: one wearing a mask, the other not. Maybe the masker should be wearing latex gloves too?

Michael Jackson has even been spotted hiding his face behind a bright blue mask. That is so unlike him! The price you pay for fashion.

Can a surgical mask really prevent us from bacteria and viruses?

According to guardian.co.uk, "Masks only work if changed regularly and they get damp easily, becoming an infection risk." In other words, MASKS KILL.

If you or somebody you love are at risk, forget the trendy - purchase the N95 Respirator, reccomended by our good ol' fda.gov (not reccomended for those with facial hair).

THIS JUST IN:

Reuters announced that 109 cases of people in the U.S. have been confirmed having caught the flu! Out of these record breaking numbers, there has been one fatality in Texas, a 22 month year old.

*Photo taken from just like a woman.

There is currently no prevention from this death-ridden flu. As an absolute, cover your mouth when you sneeze, and if your hands are unavailable, be sure to cover your mouth with the crook of your elbow.

A Friday well deserved.

2009-04-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

Guest Blog: Jeff Beck: A Cut Above the Rest.

2009-04-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

Jeff Beck Live at The El Rey Theatre, Los Angeles, California
Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I am still recovering from another of those magic nights in Los Angeles. How often do you have a chance to stand a few feet from surprise guest Rod Stewart, as he lends vocals to the classic I Ain't Superstitious classic from Jeff Beck’s album, Truth, which effectively introduced Rod to the world, and Rod's signature People Get Ready? Rod still sings as well as he did on that album, 41 years ago! And then, before one can guess what Jeff Beck has in mind for an encore, Joss Stone hits the stage and perform with him!

Many music lovers do not get Jeff Beck. Of the dozens I contacted, informing them of an incredible opportunity to see Beck’s band in the intimate setting of a 900 capacity venue (see my other blog: Other side of the same coin.), only a small few took me up on my suggestion.

Jeff Beck is a master among masters. Known as one of the musicians (along with Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page) arising out of the Yardbirds, this man is a cut above. While the other great British players took the blues to levels never dreamed of by its forefathers, Beck took it beyond the blues. With no jazz training behind him, he managed to front a jazz-fusion band featuring Jan Hammer on keyboards (Mahavishnu Orchestra, Miami Vice). He continues to be one of the most under-rated guitarists of his generation, despite his recent induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (his second, having bee inducted as a member of the Yardbirds in 1992).

This man is not just a blues player, nor just a rocker – this man has soul. His approach to playing is as unique as can be, in a world where most players are content to simply play “better”. His masterful use of the whammy bar, his use of super low frequencies on his low E string, use of harmonics, and intricacies of the endings to his tunes, combined with his beautiful, melodic approach combine to create some of the greatest music known to man. His accuracy in bending notes is mind-numbing. I have attended dozens of shows in the last five years, and the last two Jeff Beck shows are the ones that stand out.

How good is this player? Vinnie Colaiuta is the kind of drummer who can play with anyone he wants to. After all, Vinnie has won 18 Drummer of the Year' awards from Modern Drummer Magazine's annual reader polls. Of all of the tours he could have gone on, he selected Jeff Beck’s (again – he has played with him several times before). Did I mention who Vinnie toured with, just prior? Chick Corea and John McLaughlin! I saw one of those shows; Vinnie stole the show, Stealing the show from Jeff Beck is another story, very hard to do, though his incredible band (which includes incredible 23 year old bassist Tal Wilkenfeld and keyboardist Jason Rebello) can distract you from the master. If this band is coming to a town near you, do not miss it!

See for yourself and watch a clip from the show!

By, Andy Roth
rocqmusic@earthlink.net

10 ways to take on a Tuesday.

2009-04-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

Creeper Decipher #3240954096

New to the bar scene? Here are a few tips about a Tuesday night.

1. Going to a bar on a Tuesday night isn't really singles night. Most likely the people you will find there are your friends, or an occasional loner chiming in from time to time.

2. If you engage in conversation with a lone star, be sure that the conversation is coherent. Beware of people you don't know approaching you for a conversation and end up saying nothing.

3. Don't be afraid to compare strangers. If one person catches your attention and you begin to chat it up, compare him to the original guy still sitting with you - saying nothing. Always be cautious, always be suspicious.

4. When at the end of the "night" when the friends you came with are exiting the bar, let the guy you conversed with come out for an end of the night cigarette. Create a diversion so that the silent but deadly guy can't make it out.

5. If you are unsuccessful at avoiding creepy quiet man, ignore him. Continue to speak with the new guy, or if you are in the group of friends, stick to each other. If you choose to say something outside of your circle of friends, or if the alcohol in your system overtakes your ability to follow this guide, try not to hurt his feelings.

7. At this point leaving is the thing to do. Turn the corner and bounce. You are with a small group, nobody should follow.

8. When you turn and see loner man following you, head back to the bar, even if he offers to buy you Pringles at the near by bodega.

9. Cross the street and head towards home as fast as you can.

10. When you notice he is behind you, following you, with a black bag filled with food this time shouting, "I GOT YOUR FOOD!" walk faster, dash into your apartment and hide out in the laundry room until the coast is clear.

**All stories based on a true nature.

He's so over it.

2009-04-20T19:43:00.001-07:00

Some couples like to work out their problems by talking. Others like to spice up the relationship in the bedroom.

Take Suzy and Sam. They are a couple that tried the "Abdominal Thrusts" approach.

Choking on a bagel is the new S & M.
Abdominal Thrusts:
1. A person who is choking cannot cough, speak or breath.
2. From behind, wrap your arms around the victim's waist.
3. Make a fist and place the thumb side of your fist against the victim's abdomen, below the rib cage and above the navel.
4. Do not slap the victim's back. This could make matters worse. If the victim is coughing forcibly, encourage them to continue coughing. Do not leave a coughing victim alone because they may begin choking.
5. Grasp your first with your other hand and press into victim's abdomen with a quick inward and upward thrust.
6. Repeat until object is disloged.

Did it work?
1. She's still holding the bagel
2. Sam looks seriously depressed... and not because his girlfriend is choking.

The transitive property doesn't work.

2009-04-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

This one comes from a site called Heartless Bitch International

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

"If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU.

Think about it."

In summation, the article highlights the consequences of being with a 'nice guy.' It all is derived from insecurity. So do chicks really prefer the asshole? Sometimes we do, but for some reason a guy who is an asshole is usually the product of confidence.

You know when a dude says "that chick is crazy"? - I don't do the double standard. Nice guys can qualify for the same title. I had one of them. My friends have too. Are we loser magnets, or do we just get trapped? Same shit, different day.

1. "I am sorry for the terrible things I said to you. It was uncalled for."
>>> So why'd you say them? Uh-huh, right. Reverse psychology manipulation. No thank you.

2. "You never really loved me. I was stupid to believe you when you said you did. You've done nothing but put me through shit. You're a bad person and selfish. Thank you for getting rid of you."
>>> We are all responsible for our own happiness. Were you selfish? Maybe. Were you a heartless bitch? At times. Was he a dick too? Probably. Shame on him for allowing anyone to treat him that way if he really feels that way. Stooping to such a low level leaves no room for sympathy. These aren't your issues.

 3. "You are getting rid of someone who loved you more than you can imagine. "
>>> Nobody should love you more than they love themselves. You have plenty of people in your life that love you 'more than you can imagine.' There will be more of them. You'll survive without one of them that "loves" you to the point he will say anything to hurt you and manipulate you to be with him. That's just wrong.

Why is it so hard to get away? If any of this sounds familiar, grow some confidence and get out now.

I went on a date with the WSJ.

2009-04-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

Or click here!

It must be a crackhead!

2009-04-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

Why didn't anyone show this to me earlier?

F*ck Censorship

2009-04-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

If it doesn't get any worse.

Creative expression at its best.

Or, lack of inspired art director.

Album covers of the past.

Just say no. Jean on Jean of the week.

2009-04-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

Who says all the stylish hipsters reside at the L train Bedford stop?

Caught red headed.

Because it's beginning to look a lot like spring.

2009-03-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

The sun and its Vitamin D may save you from depression,

but it sure won't lift you up from a fall!

Wear a helmet!

The Art Director of Love.

2009-03-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

There is nothing more vulnerable than hearing the truth.

I tend to blog about long distance relationships because I find them so fascinatingly ridiculous.

A friend of mine is the art director at an advertising agency. He is so romance savvy that he works on the Match.com site from time to time, and when he's not doing that, he's a serial mater.

Words of wisdom from the art director of love.

Topic: You meet someone - but they are moving. Now what?

I know how hard that can be. It's tough knowing someone's gonna leave. My ex girlfriend and I split like 2 months before I left Ohio because she couldn't face it. Distance isn't worth it, I've done that with 3 different girls for 6 years of my life. Never again. Getting hurt ain't any fun. Sex is fun, but only for like 20 minutes and then you realize shit...this is going to suck in my head for months. And for the unluckies it's like only 2 good minutes. A minute-to-month ratio sucks... I guess my math teacher was right, I DO use math for stuff!

Retaliation for our toddler days

2009-03-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

Facebook is like a life-cycle. You are brought into a world of infinite possibilities.
You can control your direction throughout this universe, but will inevitably hit road blocks along the way. You can be friends with whomever you'd like, so long as they want to be friends with you too. You can find romance. Sometimes you have to deal with the reality of rejection. Your privacy will be invaded. There is so much change. It's hard to accept change. You are publicly humiliated. Disappointment eventually leads to something new. You can belong to as many extra curricular groups as you'd like. You can pass notes. The list goes on.

September, 2009 will be my five year anniversary with Facebook. I have been there since the beginning and have seen it all.

"I now have access to an infinite amount of personal information about people I may never speak to ever in my life!"
"I can friend the cute guy in my math class for a date. Or that nerdy one for homework help!"
"The guy cute guy in my math class is listed as 'in a relationship.'"
"The nerdy one is listed as looking for 'random play.'"
"No need to talk about the weather, at a bar I can just ask, "Aren't we Facebook friends?""

Five years later so much has evolved. High Schoolers joined the network. Alcohol, animals and food can be sent to one another. Break up and make ups have practically become announced over a loud speaker. I became a REAL fan of my favorite band! Embarrassing photos are now deliberately associated. We still know a little too much about those we don't know. Mobile Facebook has made this a 24 hour service.

And now, the Baby Boomers have followed Generation X into the world of social networking. It is as if our parents (and grandparents) are newborns in a vast new world. The tables have turned, they have so many questions. What if I don't want to be friends with someone? Why are so many people giving me gifts? How can I make my picture larger? Why does everybody know what I wrote on his wall (I expect geeky chuckles from the FB veterans)?

Retaliation for our toddler days, I guess.

Though I do not favor nor am I a loyal Twitter, I would like to apologize on Mark Zuckerburg's behalf for once again reformatting Facebook in an entirely overwhelming and stupid way. Facebook has become the new Twitter, only Twitter has done what we need everyone to do. Shut up. Keep it quick. 140 characters. Instead, I thoroughly know about all 600 people I am supposedly friends with on Facebook. No thank you.

On that note, for all of you Baby Boomers with questions and concerns, I welcome you to bring it on. In fact, you can anticipate my frequent Facebook Tips. If the creators won't help you out, somebody will.

e-mail me at fnroth@gmail.com and be sure to check my updates.

Guest Blog: How could they not not know?

2009-03-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart vs. Cramer
I recently criticized Jon Stewart’s attack on CNBC and Jim Cramer on facebook, and I am now going to take this opportunity to clarify my position.
First, allow me to discuss financial reporting The concept is inherently flawed. A guest on the Nightly Business Report recommends a stock on TV, while knowing nothing about the risk tolerance of the viewer who might take the advice. Suzie Orman quantifies a number of years before retirement as the calculation the viewer should use to determine whether or not to have stocks in the portfolio. Because journalists are not Licensed Securities Brokers, they can say what they want. If a Broker says the same thing, he can expect to be fined.
I was not criticizing his attack on Cramer regarding the film clips Stewart showed, in which Cramer (before his affiliation with CNBC), encouraged using manipulative tactics to enrich investors. Such behavior is clearly worthy of criticism, is probably illegal, and if those tapes are authenticated, could even lead to an investigation or an indictment.
Questionable tactics have been going on for many, many years in the securities business. One of the main reasons I chose to retire from the so-called wirehouse brokerage business in the early 1990’s, and go independent (to work for a firm with no Investment Banking business, nor any ownership of the Investment Products sold) was because of the way business was done at firms such as these. These types of tactics should, in my opinion, be prosecuted.
What I had hoped to point out in my post, and which I will hopefully be more successful at here, was my opinion that the attack on CNBC and Cramer’s show on CNBC was not only not valid at best, but irresponsible journalism at worst.
Stewart, whom I generally admire, respect, watch, and laugh at a lot, has been pitching the “how could they not know?” line for quite some time, suggesting that the meltdown of the markets was foreseeable, and that somehow CNBC and the investment community had enough information to know that a bear market (a market in which stocks) are persistently declining in value) was going to ensue directly as a result. History gives us some perspective on this, most recently with the collapse of technology stocks in the early 2000’s. After all, there were all of these Internet Companies, and only a small handful of them made any money, so the suggestion after the markets collapsed was that everyone should have known that the markets would collapse. If only investing were that logical.
In the aftermath of every bear market, Monday morning quarterbacking ensues, and all of the reasons why we all should have seen it coming are pointed out. If people really know that the market is about to implode, they can invest accordingly, and profit from the decline, using various investment strategies, such as short selling, options, and buying bear market funds. With Stewart’s “how could they not know?” tack, many who have been victimized in this market could have profited from it..
The other side of the “how could they not know?” coin is the simple truism that market excesses and bear markets have always recurred at some point. I cannot tell you with absolute certainty that the markets will, after recovering, once again suffer severe losses at some point, but if history is a guide, they will. Likewise, after the economy recovers from the current recession, we will likely experience an economic expansion, followed at some point by….you guessed it….another recession.
The part that always seems to be left out in the Monday morning quarterbacking is the “when” part. Sure, when there are market excesses, and when you have a Government Agency that subsidizes Economic policies such as the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac mortgage mess that we are all tied up in (making “stated loans” to people because they say they can afford them, not because you do due diligence to conclude that they can afford them), it seems inevitable that markets will adjust to reflect these phenomenae. But when? And how? These are the difficult questions. I do not recall Jon Stewart pointing all of this out to us before the implosion, but my guess is that he knew about the concept and prevalence of “stated loans” , at least!
Back to Cramer – I do not intend to debate whether his show is a “News Show”, entertainment, or some combination of both, but as Stewart shows clips of Cramer touting Bear Stearns days before it collapsed as some sort of case that he is disseminating bad information. Virtually every successful money manager experiences both winners and losers in his/her portfolio year after year, and their success is derived from their net overall gain after figuring in the winners and the losers. To highlight Cramer’s “error” for that particular call is irresponsible journalism. What about recommendations he has made through the years that made money for the Investor? Jon Stewart is not going to sell his ads for nearly as much if he offers that type of balanced approach.
To say that the Daily Show is not a News show is not altogether accurate – Many people formulate their opinions from what they see on such shows, and are greatly influenced by Stewart.
With all of that said, I concur that any financial information disseminated in a television program is inherently dangerous. The fact that millions of Americans make investments because they see an analyst recommend it on TV. Further, the advertisements for discount brokerage firms continue to suggest to investors that they do not need any guidance from an Advisor, while conspicuously omitting the fact that most of their clients underperform benchmarks (if they make any money at all!) in good markets and bad. While it is true that some Investors have the time, smarts and resources to manage their own money, the vast majority need help.
In sum, there are valid criticisms of the media’s role in contributing to the problems we are all experiencing, but such criticism should take place in an unbiased forum which presents a balanced view.
Of course, Jon Stewart emerges a winner in this. After all, after night after night of great entertainment up to the last minute leading up to the Presidential election, he has had quite a challenge regaining his Spotlight. Cramer has helped him solve that problem.

By, Andy Roth
moneymanager@earthlink.net

Forget leaving footprints, your thumb will do.

2009-03-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

I met Janine Martel, the creator of Thumbook a few months ago. Not knowing if this was an undercover scheme, Janine pulled out a set of different colored stamp pads, asked me to smudge my thumb into the color of my choice, press it onto a page of her teeny tiny book, and draw a self portrait with her matching colored markers. As if my finger print couldn't be more of a self-identifier, she had me write a quote or philosophy that I live by on the opposite page (see below).

I am just one of the hundreds of people she has come across in her travels. And now, after much anticipation, Janine has launched her quite charming site http://www.thumbook.com/ to share with you! Here you can browse through her seven editions of colors and sayings (Find mine in the sixth book!). In addition to her seven series set, you can find thumbs from Mid America and South Africa.

Soon you'll be able to upload your own thumb! Don't get cold thumbs, contact her at info@thumbook.com

Forget leaving footprints, your thumb will do.

"Ken's around, but does she need Ken? No."

2009-03-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARBIE!

"Barbie was a dream client because she doesn't exist as a person. She exists as fantasy and is the perfect client because she's always happy and fun and loves everything. I thought to myself, 'How would Barbie live?' What I thought was Barbie would have a house that is glamorous, kittenish, chic, colorful and happy - as well as functional."
-Interior decorator Jonathan Adler commissioned by toy maker Mattel Inc.

She looks damn good for 50.

2009-03-04T15:16:00.000-08:00

Barbie is turning 50 this year!

What is she getting for her birthday? West Virginia state lawmaker Jeff Eldridge is trying to band her from the state!

"Jeff Eldridge proposed a bill Tuesday that would ban sales of the busty Mattel doll, and others like her, in the state, just days before the doll officially logs a half century on March 9."

Mr. Eldridge, a former social worker promoting the importance of education, declares what he thinks real beauty is. Children's conception of image and beauty should be brains, not bust.

Thanks, Jeff. Why are the political figures with such innovative ideas always the kinds of douche bags who end up hiring hookers because of their failed marriages? Or, are just perverts that are undoubtedly caught with a secret, massive collection of barbie dolls in the basement of his mother's home?

Not to mention this new "Barbie Buster" is knocking off last year's Iranian Cleric who attempted to eradicate the similar social danger of distracting toys with big boobs.

Sure she is unproportionally perfect. We all had to grow up with the skinny bitch. If we ban her now, we are banning history and the true way an American girl is supposed to grow up. We are supposed to envy plastic and hate the way we look. How else are we supposed to get our inadequate self esteem and truly believe that when a guy doesn't call he really is into us? Come on Eldridge, Obama is the busy one changing history. Wait your turn.

If that's God, I'll go to Church any day.

2009-03-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

2.28.09. Saturday Night. Bowery Ballroom. Gin and Ginger. Music. Vans. God.

Went to see my buddies Eric and Autry at the

Bowery Ballroom this past Saturday. Their new-ish band, Midnight Masses, opened for six-record icon ...And You'll Know Us by the Trail of Dead.

The night rocked, see photos and a quick clip of the band before the Bowery dude shut my camera down. MM hasn't been around for that long but showed no signs of it. Not so bad to look at either, what more could you want from a large, instrumental band rocking out with dudes surrounding two hot chicks?

The next act before Trail of the Dead was a Brooklyn Band called The So So Glos. Nice guys. They had just arrived fresh from DC after opening for Santogold. These guys live at the Market Hotel when they are in town, but by the looks of it, that isn't very much. With or without the drinks they were high energy and danceable.For Trail of the dead reviews, see my good friend, google.
Midnight Masses

A.F.

Eric Rodgers

Destiny Montague

Miyuki Furtado

Giselle Reiber

Jason Reece

Crap Cannon

2009-02-27T18:19:00.000-08:00

I know they can clear a room, but I wasn't aware that uncontrollable bowels could be such a deadly weapon.

I may have missed the South Park episode, but I was finally educated on The Brown Note.

"The brown note is an infrasound frequency that is said to cause humans to lose control of their bowels due to resonance. There is no scientific evidence to support the claim that a "brown note" (transmitted through sound waves in air) exists." -My main man, Wiki

In July of 2008, the Democrats were pre-packing Pepto-Bismol in preparation for upcoming rallies in Denver.

If this was an actual weapon used, especially when Bush was around, then we could actually confirm that this country is full of shit.

*image from http://xoomthetruth.blogspot.com/

The truth comes out.

2009-02-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York.

Guest Blog: The other side of the same coin.

2009-02-17T06:13:00.000-08:00

You have to give Jeff Beck Credit. In this age of “music and sports have become business”, he continues to play small venues, knowing that the financial reward will be limited (unlike virtually every other rock star, who packs huge venues where most cannot even see the act).

What types of venues? A few years back, I caught him at the House of Blues, after I was somehow able to get a ticket at near face value through craigslist, after the show sold out in about 11 minutes. In April of this year, I will see him at the Historic El Rey Theater in Los Angeles. Capacity: 800. He is playing two nights there.

Fittingly enough, the pre-sale password was “YARDBIRDS” – Jeff was one of the three noted guitarists — the others being Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page — to have played with The Yardbirds. He was ranked the 14th on Rolling Stone Magazine's list of the "100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time".

Back to the rock stars (most) who play the large venues – now Ticketmaster and Live Nation have proposed a merger. It is already true that only the affluent can get the good seats to these events, and it promises to only get worse. And those who are able to get tickets, and then re-sell them at marked up prices are the other side of the same coin - Imagine a world where music enthusiasts were more concerned with selling their ticket to someone who appreciates the music than making a few extra bucks at other's expense (actually, such people exist, but they are clearly in the minority).

Why was the Enron collapse and the discovery of Bernard Madoff’s fraud so shocking? We live in a society where courts shove aside misleading sales pitches as a normal business practice; they even have a term for it – “puffing”. At a recent concert at the Roxy Theater on the Sunset Strip, ticket buyers who came from near a far were shocked when the door man announced, out of the blue “$15 at the door, two drink minimum”. What was the person who spent his last $30 on the ticket and drove from 30 miles away to do?

Luckily, I stood in line with my friend, an Attorney, and I asked him “is this legal?”. He assured me it was not, we refused, waited for the Manager who ultimately tried to quietly usher us through the door. The result? The next guy on line said “no way! If they don’t have to pay, I’m not paying”. Apparently the Roxy Management abandoned its extortion attempt, as multiple concertgoers came over to us to thank us.

More artists need to step up and return to the day when music was music, and art was art. There is nothing wrong with making a living off your art, but we need more people like Jeff Beck who are able to find a balance.

Click Here for Jeff Beck, Somewhere over the rainbow.

By, Andy Roth

rocqmusic@earthlink.net

Guns and Roses With No Axe

2009-02-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day! <3

I found this to be a truly compelling story.

Police in South Carolina are sponsoring an event 'Guns for roses.'

"'Guns for roses" will take place at Friendship Baptist Church, allowing you to turn in your firearms in exchange for a rose and a Best Buy gift card.'"

Fine print: "If you got* an unwanted or unneeded gun, now's the time to turn it in and get something for it."

*Grammatical error directly quoted from Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott.

Unwanted or unneeded... I mean I appreciate the gesture, but what qualifies a gun to be unwanted? Did it go out of style? Did you just decide that one day you needed to have a man-killing machine and the next day you'd rather have a DVD player?

Unneeded... Did you already shank the guy you got the gun for? Well, then, job well done, go treat yourself to an iTunes gift card!

And the wise Cheif of Police for Columbia, SC, Tandy Carter says,

"If we remove one gun on the 14th of February or a thousand guns on the 14th of February, there will be one less gun or a thousand fewer guns on our streets."

Doesn't that sound like a Bush quote?

"More and more of our imports are coming from overseas." -George W Bush

If you'd like to participate in Guns for Roses, click here.

Life without the FDA

2009-02-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

Advertisements from the 1930's.

They are all so true.

Contributed by Mikaila.

The next best THRILLER.

2009-02-09T09:47:00.001-08:00

Michael Jackson's genius is up and running!
Let's take a quick overview of MJ's life. Hey kids, he's just like us:

1. He is insecure with his appearance too! Why not try plastic Surgery? Estimated cost: $100,000+2. He likes to shop! Antique furniture estimated cost $380,000 (not paid in full), IOU $20,000
3. He makes false promises! MJ Settles $7 Million lawsuit for disputed music project.

4. He charges at the door. Estimated cost of $20 Million for Neverland Ranch. MJ throws parties with a cover to (unsuccessfully) avoid foreclosure!

After shitting out money left and right on plastic surgery, buying antique furniture, losing lawsuits and throwing/charging for parties and tours at the Neverland Ranch, MJ can't get enough of it back!

I introduce to you the latest in the MJ saga!

'Thriller' Musical, to hit Broadway!

According to Rolling Stone Magazine, a musical based on the 14 minute music video is in the works.

MJ can't escape his roots - along with talks of a two-and-a-half-hour show in the works, there are also two lawsuits in the making. John Landis, director of the 1982 music video, has not given the proper rights to stage this hit and talks of pulling the show are in the making if MJ doesn't show Landis the money. And given his squeaky clean record, not lookin' so good.

Click here to see a Filipino prison perform MJ's hit 'Thriller.'

It sure beats the calories in a box of chocolates.

2009-02-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

Sucker for love or Love is for suckers?

Cut & Sewn has the perfect answer for the economically friendly Valentine's Day gift!

Introducing their newest Ready Mades to celebrate that oh-so-special candy/heart filled holiday ♥ !

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Why not on your chest? If you're a 'Sucker for love' this design will be perfect at that Pre-Valentine's Day party your neighbor is having.

Just the opposite? Then 'Love is for suckers' will be the perfect expression for that Pre-Valentine's Day party you are obligated to go to - why not tell 'em without talking? They'll understand why you're sticking by the fruit punch.

And better yet, if you've got someone in mind, why not just spell it? Our customized I ♥ Blank shirt will do the work for you.

Now there is no excuse to tell the one you love. But just remember...it's okay if you heart the 'fruit punch.'

Oh, and if you order before February 28th, you'll get FREE SHIPPING.
Details and designs at http://www.cutandsewn.com/products/readymade.html.
Happy Valentine's Day!

History books are the new Calvin and Hobbs.

2009-01-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

I can only imagine what the future history books will be like.